(Post dari blog lama. Iya, dulu sempet punya blog tapi udah bangkrut, terus tutup)

I turned on the faucet and started to wash the dirty dishes.
I don’t like the word. Dirty.
Don’t ask me why, I just happen to not like it.
The water was chilling, as expected.
But, it wouldn’t surprise me if I’d found the water to be boiling.
Because everything had been starting to get real hot.
And I’m getting used to it.

I was done and was about to make up my chaotic mind.
And suddenly I completely forgot why it was chaotic in the first place.
Was it because of the water?
No, it wasn’t boiling. Not yet.
It messed up my mind even more.. you know, by not knowing.
The reason.
Reasons.
But, I’m getting used to it. I have to.

Fortunately, there was an anchor in my head.
The one that you helped me build with.
The anchor that I could hold on to.
That I can hold on to.

You’ve been in my mind for quite some time, you know?
And I’m sorry if being in there doesn’t make you remember how marvelous the sky is.
Because my mind is a little bit different than the sky.
And the sky is a lot more different than my mind.
Nevertheless, I hope you get comfortable.
“Can I move the coat hanger inside and paint the front wall?”, you asked.
“Of course. You can call this your house, your home, if you want.”
If only,

Have I told you that I’m a professional fountain constructor?
“I can make any kind of fountain!”
“Musical fountain, crown fountain, birdbath, laminar flow, you name it!”
Nobody would believe that. Certainly not me.
But, I am a fountain constructor indeed.
With one and only one project in life.

I love this job.
But I despise it so bad.
I like it when I draw the inner frame, calculate the center of mass, mixing materials then molding and carving them into various figure.
And I like it so bad imagining that there’d be a lot of wild birds bathing there.
But the more I work on my fountain.

The more I long for you.

Like a hundred years old tree in the jungle being pulled and replanted in a pot and displayed in the living room of a chaotic mind.
And I’m not sure whether longing for you is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe both.

Could I just build it alongside you though?
Me alongside you and you alongside me.
Your fountain and my fountain, in the front yard near the painted wall.
Or we could just make one and only one fountain.
The one that is ours.

If only,